Unless he or she was raised in a religious commune, every convert has had to adjust to the segregation of men and women in the Muslim community. While the separation of the sexes may seem drastic or strange initially, many converts eventually settle into gatherings and mosques quite comfortable to be away from the opposite sex. Others, however, struggle to remember not to offer handshakes or embraces to members of the opposite sex. Here are what some Ottawa-based converts to Islam had to say about how they dealt with the separation of men and women:

"I had a mixed response. On the one hand it went against what I had been taught about feminism, that segregation was akin to silencing women, so I was uncomfortable with the concept. On the other, it was most enjoyable in some situations. Women could talk freely, nurse their babies without feeling exposed, we could relax and enjoy ourselves without the stuffy men around. The segregation was more freeing than I thought it would be.

It took a bit of getting used to, and on my first Eid I hugged a brother (in Islam), in the middle of a living room full of people. He was extremely gentlemanly about it, and not a single person admonished me, and I'm thankful for that. I still giggle about that sometimes, all these years later."

-  Female convert

"I can certainly attest that coming from a French Canadian background, greeting one another with an embrace even one of the opposite sex is very common. Not doing so… can (cause one to) be perceived as someone (with) a cold character. It was difficult to conform to the separation but I was of the opinion that if this is a requirement from Allah then so be it. Within the general public I abstain from shaking hands with the opposite sex. I am now comfortable with the separation issue. "

-  Male convert

"I prefer to be segregated from men as it allows me to freely be who I am, a happy Muslimah (Muslim woman), without the discomforts of displeasing my Lord to impress men. This is a blessing from Allah, alhamdulillah (thanks be to Allah), to love what Allah loves for us and stay away from what Allah forbids. I don't want to go home from somewhere knowing that I have displeased Allah or have doubts about whether or not the situation was mixing or not. I would rather just be safe and live free of the men completely....The excuse that people are so used to mixing that they are desensitized (to each other’s sexuality) is bogus. I remember being non-Muslim and that is just plain lies. Thoughts go through people's minds. Maybe they pretend nothing is happening and maybe they don't act out wrongly, but they often do go home wondering about so and so, which [leads]towards lot of social breakdown. "

-  Female convert

I welcome any converts in or around the Ottawa area to contact me to assist me in answering my monthly questions and to contribute their voice to this column. I can be reached at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .■